Damaged Heart (Love & Trust Destroyed)

This is an old writing I found recently.Just thought Id post it.

I once knew love within myself.
To give it all away was my dream.

And to often I chased my dream.
Giving to those who never could comprehend
My beauty.

I lived in a magical world, where everything was
Green and full of life.
Animals, flowers, wondrous bugs.We were all together happy and free, and with LOVE.

Then the day arrived, the day I had so long been waiting for.
Into my life came my prince. How could I forget the day?
He looked straight out of Ireland,
Sweet freckles adorned his face and arms.

As he stood by the bookcase I could not take hold of anything else to gaze upon.
I felt something for him, not quite aware of what it was.Of course then, thinking this was love at first sight.Ah, but was this first sight?Why no, I recognized him right away.I had seen his face before found in a picture that I greedily took up as my own once my eyes lay cast to it.
Such beauty to behold, this Angel.He was a warrior Celt in kilt and bearing sword. His veins so long caressing his pale skin as they reached down and grasped his strong thick hands. I knew then that he would one day be mine. And to see him in the flesh.As he stood at the bookcase, Irish cap covering all the luster of his gorgeous long red locks that I had yet to see.
I stood up and excused myself from the room. As I knew he was watching me.
In the other room I could still keep view of him, secretly.As I watch him sit down and tinker with my necklace that was on the table beside him. I wanted him.
Memorizing the grey-ish green wool and the brown leather that was of such Irish taste.

Everything about him was definitely not American.

I finally came out from watching him. To share the fact that my dreams were quite like his own.Dreams of visiting Ireland, and Scotland.

When he left, I took out the picture. I clung to it all night long. Asking in favor of him. My friends warned me to stay away. For at this time in my life.
All they saw of me was a bad girl. The girl who broke nice men’s hearts, but chased after the ones who had no heart at all.

None the less, he came back the next evening.
After his friends retired for this night. He stayed.
He stayed and sat by me.

I told him of my spirituality, my beliefs, my fondness of women. Convincing him that I had no need for man.
He left the room and shortly after the Celtic cap was no longer upon his head. What woes escaped my lips when I saw the fire of his wavy dark red locks.
He joined me on the couch once again, and we talked of his reenactments {for that is why he wore the sword and kilt}. Slowly, and what seemed to take hours, he stroked my hair, and I his. All the while looking into one another’s eyes. His eyes, so Icy blue.
How could I look away. Entrapped, both of us bewitched.
And so I gave this man{what I thought to be a noble man} my heart! Though never did I say this outloud.I let him fancy me with his words, I let him tell me that he loved me… for weeks before I ever let escape such sweetness from my lips.

And this Man, who took me into his heart, took me into his bed. From the first night we shared our bodies, I was struckfreckles everywhere. And what a true red head. Ah, but I should have known....
When his Man hood pierced thru me like a sword causing blood the first time we lay together. As if I were a virgin.
He ravished my body, slowly and sweet, yet rough and with a yearning.
We would become inseparable from then on.
And he would be the first man to take my dreams and innocence away. Though I had been thru much in my life past, and most would claim me far from innocent for the many wrongs I had done…..he stripped away my INNOCENCE.

And so as the love story ended in a very tragic way.
I was ready to end my life that day. But the Creator had other plans for me. And so when the gun that he held to my head just simply clicked..I cried and cried and cried..
If I could not be with my love, then why has it been that I shall live????????????????????

DAMN, everything! That is what I did. I made it that anyone who came to me with love shall never be close to me. They shall never be allowed in.

Until three years later I met a boy who would not come to let that be. He did not know me, nor my wicked past. Yet, there was no way. Poor boy, I longed for him to give up and walk away. He did not.
For he was just a boy, lust was his wonder. Such a petty fool I thought. Just GO AWAY! Still he did not. So this last time when he spoke to me.I listened.
And to my dismay..the Creator told me that he was the one.NO! I cried out. This cannot be. For I had my one and only love, my life, and he has left me bitter and dry, and dead. SO this, THIS can NEVER be.
Do you not see, I cried to my Creator. I have no feeling inside. I have no love for the trees. I do not care for the little creatures any longer. The world and everything in my DREAMS IS GONE!!!!!!!!! Leave me be!

And now here I sit in this place that is now my home.
A family is to rise from this boy and I. And I am still fighting. For this was not supposed to be.and the Creator laughs at my temperment. For Creator knows what it is that I know but Iam unwilling to believe.

As I said it before, permanently with black ink there is supposed to be tattooed on my back in this script: Love & Trust Destroyed.
Yet it is not there. Answer to me why? Why did I never place such words to remain as my reminder forever.