Today started as a GREAT DAY. Matty made me coffee, I layed in bed drinking it and reading my book the prentice Alvin Miller. It's in the series of Orson Scott card books that I like.

The mail man rang my bell and had the most awesome package for me. :D

I made more coffe, got the girls ready as today was our day to plant corn. It's the full corn planting moon. SO...we go outside and it's nice and grey and with a light rain falling down on us. Except for Elish she was in the garage with the door open so i could keep an eye on her.

I started breaking up the Earth...Oh yes, but I should have foreseen what tragedy was to occur had I only paid attention. When walking out of the garage door to the patio there left for me by Alexander was the cutest little mouse. But he was dead. I scooped him up with the promise that I would bury him after I was done with the hard work that lay ahead of breaking up the Earth for the corn seeds.

Not but a few minutes into breaking the Earth did I realise that I should move some of my potted plants out of the way. And so I began with my ivy, I was going to place it just underneath this nice big berry bush we have.

Then... I fell! Damn my wicked cerebral palsy what a curse it was today because as I fell, I knocked into the nice big tall bush/shrub not knowing that there was a family of Robins nesting within. Down came little birdie bodies falling all around me as the parents flew out of the shrub. Oh no, OH all that ran through my head as I struggled to get up. As I was trying to get up I saw Alexander going very fast in the direction of the parents. NOOOO I yelled at him NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But I was too late, he had one of the baby birds in his mouth. I chased him into the garage and he let go of the baby. I scooped the baby up and he ran out to get more. I yelled at Willow to please stop Alexander there are baby birds in the yard! She gets him in the house. I run as fast as I can to collect the other birdies but I can't find them. And if your thinking to yourself no Brigitte don't touch them, that's just a myth. I've been around plenty of baby birds, duck and chicken mostly, but the parents never abandoned them once handled.

I scooped up another baby that was headed for where that damn four wheeler drives. I placed him in my shirt with his sibling. Who now looking down, I saw was dead. Alexander punctured it's neck and blood was pouring out of it's little baby mouth. The alive sibling hopped out of my shirt and I had lost the others at this point. The parents were flying back and fourth following me yelling at me. All I wanted to do was get him back in his nest as i was apologizing to the parents, to our Creator, to Nature, as I was sobbing my eyes out with snot running down into my mouth. The nest was too high for me to reach. The wildlife organizations suggest that you place them back in their nest if the parents are still to be found. Which his are. Otherwise I would call the wildlife organization and have them come and take the baby.

So for hours i am out there with the girls trying to get this one little baby, as all I see in his future is death by humans or animals.

I can't stop bawling my eyes out because all I can see in my mind is this Mother and Father who love their babies and I being a stupid White not intune enough with nature clumsy footed fool caused the death of one if not more of their beautiful babies.

Today I was supposed to be adding to the Earth, helping the Earth by planting life, yet instead I killed a beautiful, wonderful little baby.

I called Matty at work sobbing my eyes out. He wanted to come home to help me but he was the only one in the store.

I called my brother but his wife was in the background talking about how if you touch that bird he's as good as dead. Damnit to that Myth. So my brother wouldn't touch him. He also tried to calm me by telling me that it's just a bird and that these things happen. Well to me it's not just a bird. It's a sentient being and I caused the chaos that may lead to it's death just like it's sibling.

I'm not okay with this at all. There is nothing anyone can do or say to make me feel less heavy hearted about the fact that my clumsy crippled feet caused this creation to end. I don't want to celebrate Mothers Day tomorrow. How could I after I have just killed a Mamma's little baby by my own human doofy clumsiness. Why wasn't I more mindful? I could have tried to fall the other way, not into the bush had I known there were babies in a nest there.

I can't finish my corn planting because I don't want to accidently till the Earth and strike that little baby as he is very Earthy like and blends in to the ground that he is hopping around on. The sibling who was caught by Alexander and killed is in a planting container with the mouse at the moment.

Damn me.

My brother tried to calm me by telling me it was an accident, well, yes it was, but that doesn't bring back the little dead bird or save the other one from becoming someone's dinner.

I have no real words to describe how I feel.

I hope my girls will become animal protectors some day.