My friend that I have known since I was a little girl,I can even remember the exact moment we met. My friend is dead. She died on July 2nd 2005. The obituary alludes to the possibilities that she had killed herself. I loved her very much. She was always there for me when others picked on me because of my Cerebral Palsy. She was different and independent. she appeared to be so strong on the outside, all of these years. Yet the truth is she was fragile. She had a rough upbringing. Her mother seemed more interested in drugs and drinking than being a mother for her daughter.

I have spent a good deal of my morning crying, sobbing. Wondering if she is okay. Wishing that I had her phone number. Between all of our moves I had no way of getting a hold of her. If I had, if I could have just talked with her. If things were bad, she could have come here. I would have helped her. Anything, I don't care what I would have helped her.

Where is she now? Why wasn't I able to grasp my dreams friday night. I had horrid dreams, I remember that. I just don't remember the details. I wish I could have talked to her. She might still be here. I would hug and hold her and tell her I loved her.

I want to do that now, but she is not here. I want to run my fingers through her hair and tell her that everything is okay. I want to be able to provide with a motherly care that her own mother could not give her.

I'm too emotional to go on right now.

But this is what I found when I did a search for alltop on yahoo images. I was trying to find anything on my friend.

For you Kristin Alltop:

All I Give To Thee

As I Walk This Road,
With Lessons Yes To Learn,
There's Something Waiting For Me,
Yes With Every Turn,

But What I Want So Much,
Yes So Much To See,
Is My Home In Heaven,
Where Soon I Know I'll Be.

Excitement Builds With Each Step
As Jesus Guides The Way.
Guiding Me To The Father,
Who Will Someday Say,

"My Child You Are Home Now,
Yes Your Work Is Done.
You Walked In The Ways,
Of My Only Son.

Your Cross That You Did Carry,
Oh How It Weighed You Down,
But Now It Is Behind You
And Here Is Your Crown!

Take A Look Around You,
Yes All That You Do See,
Is Your Reward,
That I Give To Thee!"

I love you Kristin --- please come visit me.